


Right Day, Wrong Universe

by tornadox



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Good!Loki, M/M, other pairings possible
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-24
Updated: 2013-05-19
Packaged: 2017-11-05 22:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/411735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tornadox/pseuds/tornadox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki just wants to cuddle with his husband. Instead, he ends up a dark!Alternate Universe where he is the villain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Arrival

**Author's Note:**

> Set post-Avengers, so references to some spoilers. 
> 
> Un-beta'd.

It had been a long day. All Loki wanted to do was go home and cuddle with his husband. He teleported into their bedroom. Steve was already asleep in the bed. Loki smiled, and promptly banged his shin into a table.

Hmm, he thought, Steve and Jamie must have moved some of the furniture around, probably to make a blanket fort. As Loki undressed, he watched his husband sleep. Steve didn’t snore, but he could make the softest sleeping sighs while dreaming. Loki got under the covers and kissed Steve’s neck. He loved to spoon the bigger man. Steve stirred, his eyes still closed, a ghost of a smile upon his lips. He turned towards Loki, instinctively seeking out Loki’s mouth. They kissed.

… Until someone crashed through their bedroom door.

Steve opened his eyes, yelped, and quickly rolled off the bed into a defensive stance.

“What’s wrong?” Loki asked.

“What … Loki … why … here … what … Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.”

“I think what our Star Spangled Man is trying to say, is Loki, what the fuck are you doing in his bed?” Tony Stark entered the room through the remains of the broken door. More figures were silhouetted in the hallway.

“To fuck? Sorry, Steve, I know you don’t like it when I curse. What’s the emergency - has Kang re-appeared? I do not want to deal with that drama before bed. JARVIS, please turn on the lights.”

Nothing happened.

“JARVIS, lights,” Tony ordered. And there was light.

Loki looked around the room in disbelief. There was no art hanging on the walls - no family portrait by Jamie, no group photo of the Avengers on the Moon (Tony of course making rabbit ears behind Cap’s head). The bedspread had a blue plaid pattern that was just so wrong instead of the sea green quilt. The furniture was all wrong - no wonder he had stumbled in the dark. Nothing was where it should have been, especially the group of people barging into the room.

Steve had his back against the wall, taking short breaths, as if he were having a panic attack. Loki seconded that emotion. Something was very wrong with the world. Most of his teammates sidled into the room and glared at him, As he sat up, he realized that they were holding their bodies ready for an attack. From him. What?

“Klaatu barada nikto.” Loki put up his hands and smirked. “I come in peace.” A red-haired woman pointed a gun at his head. “What, not even a chuckle? And I’ve been working so hard on my pop culture references for you Tony.”

“Loki, what the hell were you doing in my bed?”

“Darling, it’s our bed in our bedroom, though you seem to have redecorated it to resemble your bachelor pad. So spartan, so boring.” Steve’s mouth contorted.

“You are my husband, Steve, where else would I sleep?” Loki wiggled his finger so that the light caught on his wedding ring. Steve almost collapsed on the floor.

“Is this an April Fools joke? Pranking me in the middle of May would be a good way to surprise a god of mischief. Bravo. Can I put my hands down now?”

“NO!” shouted several voices.

“No,” said Steve, standing up tall, trying to be as dignified as possible in boxers that did not hide a partial erection.

“Cap, it’s your call. What do you want to —“

It no longer mattered what Cap wanted because the Hulk smashed through the wall and punched out Loki.

***

The Other Guy seemed sad (his toy wasn’t fighting back this time) and confused (It hadn't feared him this time.)

“Thank you, Hulk.” The green giant left the room trying to piece together the puzzle in his head.

Steve turned to his teammates. “What is Loki up to?”

What he really wanted to know as why Loki set this kind of trap. If he could enter the Avengers Tower at will, why try to seduce Steve instead of killing or kidnapping him. It did not make sense. Unless.

“Maybe it is a Loki-clone. He is using it to distract us from his real objective. Stark, how did he get in here? How big is the security breach?”

“I checked with JARVIS. Loki used your personal code, Cap. How did he get it?”

“No idea. Change my codes, but no one else’s. It could be part of a scheme to get you to reset your security.”

“Already done. I love it when you think deviously.”

“Natasha, Clint, find Bruce. Calm him down, which may not be too hard since The Other Guy seems to really enjoy pounding on Loki. Apprise Director Fury of the situation. Tony and I will take the prisoner down to the containment level and then contact Thor.”

Steve stopped.

“Each of us have good reasons to hate Loki, yet we cannot take our revenge on him at this time. No one is allowed to hurt, maim, or kill the prisoner while in our custody. We need to get information from him, like how he escaped from Asgard and broke into our home. At least two people will be on guard duty at a time, no one may engage with him solo. Do you understand?”

“Aye, aye Captain.”

“I agree, as does Barton, even though he cannot say it himself at the moment.”

Natasha dragged an irate Clint out of the room, murmuring in Russian.

“On the bright side, at least we now know which team you bat for. I knew you were in the closet. Clint owes me $10. ”

“It is inappropriate to make bets about your teammates’ sex lives.”

“Or lack thereof. We haven’t seen you get laid since you were defrosted. What? Inquiring minds wanted to know. Okay, you won’t get the joke. JARVIS, add classic commercials of the 1980s to his homework assignment of things Capsicle missed and has to catch up on.”

***

Loki awoke in a cell. The cell. The one meant to neutralize magic users. Not that it mattered; he didn’t want to escape. But his jaw hurt. This was Not Good At All.

Captain America stood by the door, flanked by Iron Man, Agent Barton, and the red-haired woman that he couldn’t quite place. They were all scowling at him. He didn’t like how Barton was staring so pointedly at his left eye.

“Guys, this joke has gone too far. Coffee, please, and kisses to make the pain go away.” Steve did not respond. Loki stuck out his tongue. “From Jamie, then, if you are not willing. How about my one phone call? I’d like to speak with Director Coulson.”

“You may not say his name!” Barton lunged at the glass, growling, furious, held back by the woman. He recognized her now - Natasha Romanova. Assassin.

“Why am I in here and the Black Widow is out there? More importantly, where is Jamie?”

“Who is Jamie?”

“Our daughter, Steve. This prank is not funny any more. Is she okay? Did she sleep through the commotion? Is she hurt?” Loki felt the fear rising through this body. “Where is Jamie?”

“I have no idea who you are talking about.”

Loki looked into Steve’s eyes and did not like what he saw. Steve was telling the truth. No recognition, no love, no spark. His husband did not remember their life together, nor their daughter. This situation had rocketed from Not Good At All to Top Five Nightmare Scenarios.

“Stop asking so many questions. Who are you?”

Loki swallowed. “My name is Loki Odinsson-Rogers. I am an Avenger. And this is not my universe.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure where this is going to end up. Concrit welcome.


	2. Interrogations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of questions, some answers, more non-answers, and a little angst.

"Captain Rogers, I want to apologize for last night. I did not intend to out you to your team nor attempt to seduce you. You are not my husband. It was a case of mistaken identity. I mean you - and the Avengers - no harm."

Tony turned his head to Steve, who stared at the wall.

"Plus, you seem to still be in your plaid and khakis period; I do not do khaki." Neither man returned his smile. Loki took a breath. "I will answer your questions now. Let's start _Gumby Is Not the Love Child of Hulk and Mr. Fantastic_."

Steve turned his head to Tony.

"Gumby is a 1950s animated character made out of green clay," explained Tony. "More importantly, who is Mr. Fantastic?"

"The stretchy leader of the Fantastic Four, of course. "

"Who are the Fantastic Four?"

"The Fantastic Four are another group of superheroes based in New York. I believe that we have found one of the places where our universes diverge. And I owe Phil ten bucks - your crazy title for the parallel universal protocol actually works."

"So there are other super-powered beings, aliens, and demi-gods where you come from?"

"And mutants. So many mutants. If you ever encounter Squirrel Girl, do not fight her. It's not worth the embarrassment."

Steve cocked his eyebrow towards Tony, who pinched his nose and sighed. "I have no idea what he is talking about either, Cap."

"Why did you come here?" The words fell from Steve's mouth like nails.

"I thought I was coming home," replied Loki. "I truly do not know how I was transported here. In fact, part of me hopes to wake up soon and exclaim that it was all a dream, and you were there .. and you and you and you..." Rogers grimaced. Loki couldn't resist needling this painfully accurate yet slightly off version of Captain America. He needed that emotional kick to keep him from forgetting that the man sitting across from him was not his husband, whose sixth favorite film was _The Wizard of Oz_ .

"How did you get here?"

"Same answer as above. I don't know. I'd much rather be up in the labs figuring out how to get home to my family." Steve flicked his eyes at Loki; Tony put his hand on Steve's shoulder.

"Let's switch to something you do know." Stark took over the questioning. "What is today's date?"

"Sunday, May 20, 2012."

"Good." Loki felt relieved - at least no time travel was involved - until he met Captain America's eyes. Oh. It was Sunday, May 20, 2012.

"Steven, did you already celebrate today?"

Rogers turned his head and whispered something to Tony. He then stood up carefully and walked out of the room, fists curled at his sides. Loki followed him with sad eyes.

"Who went with him?" Loki asked quite sincerely. "Steve should never be alone on this day."

"Shut the fuck up, Papa Smurf. Stop harassing Cap." Tony left room, slamming the door behind him.

***

Nick Fury entered the observation room. He was not in a good mood. If the scar tissue had allowed it, his left eye would be twitching.

"What is going on, Agent Romanov? Why have Rogers and Stark already begun interrogating the prisoner?"

"Loki refused to answer any questions until he had spoken with Captain Rogers," she replied in an even tone.

"Why was Stark in there instead of you? Last time, you were the only one to get actionable intel from Loki while on the Helicarrier."

"This Loki sees Stark as an ally, whereas I apparently am not. I thought we might get more information by letting him speak first with those he trusts."

"Rogers is compromised, Stark is an amateur. Thor will arrive in a few hours. You're up now."

***

Tony looked for Steve in the hallway, but it was already empty. He didn't like how Loki could unsettle Cap so quickly. Sure, he liked - loved - to tease the tall blond avatar of patriotism. It was on his to-do list to make Cap blush every day. With the ammunition accidentally provided by Loki, mmm, the fun to be had. But Cap looked so stricken. Maybe they should have waited for Fury after all.

"JARVIS, research May 20. Why would it be important to Steve? Check births, weddings, deaths, battles, holidays for Steve, his family, and the Howling Commandos. Pay special attention to events concerning Bucky Barnes and Peggy Carter."

"Already going through the data, sir."

"And find me any references to 'The Fantastic Four.' Check SHIELD records as well; maybe Fury has tried to recruit them to the Avengers Initiative." He paused. "Let me know if Rogers leaves the building."

"As you wish."

Behind him, someone cleared her throat. Natasha leaned against the wall.

"I thought you were babysitting Clint so that he wouldn't do anything stupid."

Natasha looked up at the ceiling. "Hawkeye, are you going to do anything stupid?" No answer. "Go back to your room." They heard some scraping sounds. "Good boy." She turned towards Tony. "Fury's waiting for you."

Tony slumped a little; he wasn't looking forward to being chewed out.

***

Natasha entered the cell and sat across from Loki. She kept a neutral expression on her face.

"Where is Captain Rogers? Is he okay?"

"That is none of your concern, Loki."

"But it is yours. I heard stories about how depressed he was during the first couple years after he woke up. Was he only recently found in the ice?"

"It does not matter; you are neither his therapist nor his 'husband.' Why did you infiltrate the tower?"

"I didn't because I live in the tower. In my universe, SHIELD found him about seven years ago. He was a wreck. Don't leave him alone today."

"Why do you care?"

"He looked so broken. "

"Perhaps because you assaulted him in his bed last night."

Loki placed his hands flat on the table. "I thought we had already established that it was a case of mistaken identity. I am co-operating with you, answering your questions. I have not attacked anyone, even though you are the Black Widow. I let Hulk hit me. I have made no move to escape despite the laughable restraints."

"You are the god of lies."

"No, I am a god of mischief. Please stop treating me as your enemy."

"We are treating you as our archenemy."

"Oh."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Gumby line is adapted from [item 33 on Fury's List.](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8130771/1/Furys_List)
> 
> Of course, Fury didn't really need to point out how badass Natasha was in the movie. I, however, want to shout her accomplishments from the rooftops.
> 
> In next week's episode: Find out why is that date so important, with more angst and THOR!


	3. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve tries to handle his feelings. Loki has an insight. Bruce wants everyone to get along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Talk of suicide attempts. This chapter ended up much darker than I had anticipated.

“JARVIS, full privacy mode, please. And thank you for the head’s up.” The AI had requested Bruce’s presence in the gym, but he hadn’t expected to find Captain America in the midst of a full-blown panic attack. Steve was on the far side, rocking against the wall with his knees to his chest. He went over and sat on the floor beside him. Steve seemed to be gasping for air, so Bruce started rubbing slow circles on his back.

“Hey, Steve, breathe, you’re going to be fine. It’s okay. You’re safe here, I won’t let anyone hurt you. Take a breath, hold it, let it out. Good. Let’s do it again.”

Bruce matched his breaths to Steve’s, trying to calm him down. He gradually lengthened the breaths. After a few minutes, he felt Steve begin to relax, so he put his arm around his shoulders.

“Good, Steve. Let’s stretch out our legs. There. Now it’s even easier to breathe. Use your diaphragm, not just the lungs. Again, breathe in…” Bruce kept murmuring softly as the soldier slowly uncoiled.

After a few minutes, Steve bent his head onto Bruce’s shoulder. “Thank you. I haven’t had an asthma attack since … before …. Oh no … what if —”

“Shhh, it’s okay Steve, it’s not asthma. You’re having a panic attack. You can still breathe. You are still strong. Just relax.” Bruce took Steve’s right arm and placed the hand on his chest. “Match my breathing. Feel my chest. You will be fine. You are safe. Breathe in.”

Bruce was unsure how long JARVIS would be allowed to keep the surveillance off. Stark and Rogers still couldn’t stand each other except when they were in Avengers mode. The rest of the team had been shocked when Steve suddenly agreed to move into the tower two weeks ago. Bruce suspected that blackmail had been involved, unsure whether it was Fury or Stark. Since then, a miasma of anger had descended into most of the common areas so Bruce had retreated to his lab.

And yet. He found himself wanting to get involved. To protect Steve from Tony’s total disregard for boundaries. For Tony to let Steve in beyond the “I am Iron Man” swagger facade. To get his friends to realize that they could support each other in life as in battle.

When did Bruce begin allowing himself friends? And voluntarily meddling? Well, Tony had forced Bruce to face some of his darker thoughts, maybe he could do the same for another teammate. Or teammates. From Loki’s interrogation, he knew that the day was somehow important to Steve. He might as well channel his inner Stark. The more the meddler the merrier?

“Feeling better, Steve?” Steve nodded. “Let’s get out of the tower for a little bit.”

While Cap stood up and rolled his shoulders, Bruce texted Clint: _U R welcome to join/follow us_.

* * *

Loki started reading the file that the Back Widow had given him. The situation had slid from _Top Five Nightmares Ever_ to _Worst Nightmare He Had Never Imagined_. Not only did his family not exist here, he - Loki - was a crazy supervillain. He had killed his best friend, Coulson, and bewitched his handler, Barton. No wonder Clint had looked at him so murderously. And the stupidity angered him.

“Why were any of you playing around with a Cosmic Cube? Is everyone in this universe insane?”

Agent Romanov didn’t change her expression. “We call it the Tesseract. Are there more than one of these devices in existence?”

“No.” Loki knew that Romanov knew that he was lying. Gods help this universe if these “Avengers” or their enemies ever got their hands on more than one. The power and insanity here would expand exponentially until the entire multiverse (now that he knew that it existed) would be threatened. It would be a true infinite crisis. He had to keep Steve and Jamie safe.

Loki then glimpsed the _Worst Nightmare He Had Never Imagined 2: Electric Boogaloo_.

“Wait, where is your Loki right now?”

* * *

Steve chose an old diner off of Broadway. Steve drank black coffee; Bruce chamomile tea. Clint hadn’t joined them, at least inside. Bruce hoped that he was nearby.

“He knows so much about me that I haven’t shared with anyone.” Steve peered into the depths of the the white ceramic cup he gripped in both hands. “No one since before. Loki rolled past my defenses as if they didn’t exist. And I miss that.” Steve took a nervous swig of coffee.

“I miss so much from before. There used to be an automat a couple doors down from here - it was a vision of the future. So was Howard’s flying car. Yet neither of them exist here. Vending machines and bullet trains don’t measure up. Just like my future. What I imagined will never come true. Already knew that before I went down with plane.” Steve sighed.

“I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to go back to Brooklyn without him.” Steve looked directly at Bruce with a weak half-smile. “You’re not the only the only Avenger who has tried to kill himself.”

“Yeah, I know. Clint and Tony both tried during the Battle for New York. In fact, Tony has been on a self-destructive streak since he was a teenager - alcohol, palladium poisoning, abusive relationships.”

“Pepper?” Steve looked very startled.

“No, not her. She’s good to him, good for him. I hope it lasts.”

“Me too.” Steve took another sip of coffee. “Gosh, we’re all fucked up aren’t we.”

“Did Captain America just swear? Can you do it again so that I can record it for posterity? And by posterity, I mean Stark.”

“No. I will deny everything.”

“Fine. Tell me why May 20 is important to you."

"I also miss my privacy." Steve shook his head, frowning

"Technically, it was an interrogation. SHIELD records them."

"And Stark records what happens in the tower." Steve drummed his fingers on the table. A waitress stopped by the table and refilled his coffee.

"It's Decoration Day."

"As in Memorial Day? I thought it was originally celebrated on May 30. “

“My mom’s family celebrated Decoration Day on the third Sunday of each May. Originally it was to visit the family graveyard, clean it up and handle any business, like who got which plot. Her aunts would fight over where someone was actually buried. Some family feuds began - and ended - on Decoration Days.

“When she moved to New York, though, the cemeteries were so big. You paid people to tend the plots. She still wanted to keep up the traditions. Mom said that it was a day for remembering one’s family. Every year we went and visited my dad’s family’s plots. We’d clean off the gravestones and plant new flowers. Sometimes we took my friend Bucky. The day always ended with a picnic. The gravediggers didn’t like that, thought we were disrespecting the dead.

“After my father died, we put flowers on his grave on Decoration Day. A week or so later, we’d go back on Memorial Day and put a flag. That holiday was for honoring veterans and folks who died in wars. Bucky made me continue the tradition after my mother passed away. “

“When was the last time you celebrated it?”

“1943 in Brooklyn.” Steve stared back into his coffee cup.

“I’d be honored to celebrate Decoration Day with you in 2012.”

“Really? You’re okay with it?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I tried explaining it once to some of the Howlin’ Commandos. It did not end well. Falsworth said it was ‘very Victorian of me.’ Gabe and Jacques made the sign of the cross to protect themselves from my blasphemy. Dum Dum demanded that we make libations to the dead by getting very drunk.”

“How did Bucky respond?”

“He was dead.”

Bruce gripped Steve’s arm. “Let’s get out of here and find a florist.”

“Why?”

“If we are going to celebrate Decoration Day properly, you said that we need flowers. And a picnic. I’ll go order some food to go. What kind of pie would you like?”

A smile began to engulf Steve’s face. “Cherry.” Bruce’s eyebrows shot up.

“You know, that goes against everything Captain America stands for.”

“Perhaps, but I’m just Steve Rogers right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This version of Decoration Day is based on Ozarker and Appalachian folk traditions. It is still celebrated today, though the date varies by family, cemetery, and custom. 
> 
> Next week: Thor and Loki talk it out.


	4. Steve vs. the Flower Shop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is stymied, especially when three men walk into a flower shop.

“Where is your Loki? Please tell me he is imprisoned somewhere very, very secure.”

Agent Romanov did not respond. Loki leaned forward across the table.

“I will no longer co-operate with you until I am assured of my family’s safety.”

She moved her head up slightly. “Perhaps if we understood better how you arrived here.”

Loki narrowed his eyes. The Black Widow was difficult to read - she projected a controlled exterior of calm that invited, nay demanded, the other person to push her into a show of emotion. He was tempted, but he would not play her game. Instead, he settled back into his chair, crossed his legs, tilted his head ever so slightly to the left, and waited.

* * *

Tony Stark went up to the penthouse. He needed some alone time after the ‘talk’ with Fury.

“Update me, JARVIS.”

“With pleasure, sir. Dr. Banner and Captain Rogers left the building 80 minutes ago. Agent Barton followed them.”

“Where are they now?” Tony headed for the bar; he was thirsty.

“Visiting a florist shop in Brooklyn.”

“Damn, Loki was right. Have we figured out why the date is so important?” He began making an Old Fashioned.

“Alas, sir, no. You deleted my ability to lip read after watching _2001: A Space Odyssey_ five times in a row while drinking copious amounts of whiskey and smoking marijuana.”

“Er, right, that. Forgot.” He poured the cocktail into a glass tumbler.

“You were understandably out of your mind then, sir.” Tony looked at the cocktail in his hands and decided to drink it despite the reminder of past blackouts.

“Soooooooo, May 20?”

“The date did not correspond to any relevant battles or events during World Wars I or II that involved Rogers, his father, the Howling Commandos, or the SSR. The closest family anniversary I located was a second cousin twice-removed born on May 22, 1911.”

“Perhaps they fell in forbidden love? Two men, one hot summer —”

“No sir, the child died seven months later. It is unclear whether Captain Rogers ever met the parents.”

“Fine, destroy another set of my fantasies.” Tony took another swig.

“Perhaps you would me like to write out the scenario for your reading pleasure?”

“NO!”

“Very well, sir. I found two anniversaries for May 20 that might pertain to Captain Rogers. Neither, however, are the type to require flowers.”

“Hit me.”

“The First Council of Nicea met in 325 CE.”

“What does that have to do with Cap?”

“As you may recall, sir, the Captain is Roman Catholic. The Nicene Creed resulted from that event.”

“Are you giving me irrelevant answers so that I will change my mind and restore your ability to read lips? Not gonna happen. Next.”

“In 1861, North Carolina seceded from the Union.”

Tony headed back to the bar. “And I care why?”

“His mother was born near Charlotte.”

“Really? Mr. ‘I’m just a kid from Brooklyn’ has Southern roots? I though his parents were Irish immigrants.”

“His father did emigrate from Ireland in 1892. His mother’s family, however came to the United States in the 1840s.”

“Huh. Maybe I’ll ply Cap with mint juleps —”

“Sir, I must remind you that mint juleps are forbidden in all Stark residences, including the Avengers Tower; they may not be served at any Stark Industries function —”

“—Because of the 1998 Kentucky Derby. That I remember. That which I do not want to remember. Make me forget, JARVIS.”

“If only I could, sir.”

A thunderclap boomed.

“Yay, Thor has arrived. Direct him here, JARVIS; do not let Fury intercept him."

* * *

Bruce stepped into the flower shop. He turned to ask Steve a question, but the man was still standing on the sidewalk.

“C’mon, Steve. Let’s go in.”

“Maybe I should wait outside. There are so many plants in there.”

“Absolutely not. Your traditions, your decisions.” Bruce gently took Steve’s arm and led him into the shop. “What did you usually do?”

“Stayed outside.” Steve stared at his feet, a hint of blush appeared on his neck. “Allergies.”

“You are in for a treat, Cap!” Clint suddenly appeared next to Steve and Bruce. The former was definitely startled. He hadn’t even realized that Hawkeye had been following them. “Welcome to the wonderful world of flower shops. They have everything from amaryllis to zinnias. For a price, you can get any plant flown in from the ends of the earth…” He looked expectantly at Bruce, though Steve had no idea what reaction he wanted.

“They fly them in from Chile or Holland, wherever they are in season, or grow them in hothouses,” Bruce answered Steve’s unspoken question.

“Doesn’t that go against your eco-friendly ethos?” asked Clint.

“But flowers are so pretty.” Bruce looked dreamily at a pot of gardenias.

“So you are a vegan liberal hippy that doesn’t mind using scarce resources to transport perishable non-food resources around the world for _aesthetic reasons_?”

“They make people happy. I do try to only buy them from local vendors at farmers’ markets that follow organic and sustainable practices...”

Steve felt even more uncomfortable. “Is it wrong to buy flowers now? Is this a thing like smoking - no longer socially acceptable? Maybe we should forget this.”

“Absolutely not. This is a special occasion. Clint, stop teasing Steve.” Bruce turned back to Steve. “I hope you don’t mind that I invited him; though now I’m beginning to regret it.”

“I guess I need more help than I thought.” He cautiously walked down an aisle.

“So, what kind of flowers did your mother usually get?”

“Whatever blooms hadn’t wilted that we could afford. Um. She always added a sprig of rosemary to the bouquets.”

“We might have to stop by a bodega to get it. That’s not always available at florists.”

“I can’t handle this, Bruce.” Steve turned towards the door.

“Yes you can, soldier.” Clint piped in. “You are not alone - you’ve got a team with you. This is just another mission. Figure out the objective, give us our tasks based on our expertise, tell us how much leeway we have, and boom. Bouquets accomplished.”

* * *

“He is not my brother, Stark.”

“How the hell can you tell? You see him for a moment on a monitor and have this realization. Whereas Loki 2 made out with Cap for who knows how long before noticing. Or claiming to notice. Are you sure?”

“His magic does not … align … properly. ”

“My brain is broken. Suddenly you are an expert on magic and Loki is an Avenger. JARVIS, wake me up from this nightmare.”

“Hmm, maybe I can explain it better in terms of television science! The being in that room is similar to Peter on your favorite program of _Fringe_ ; he has an ‘aura’ of not-belonging.”

“Slander! I hate that show. Scientists always end up being the bad guys - I do not approve.”

“Yet you make us all watch it every Friday evening, then dissect it with the Doctor Banner and the Lady Jane for many, many, many hours. Did it not inspire you to improve your StarkPhone? And last week, you claimed that you defeated Namor when you remembered a similar situation during a Season 2 episode.”

“My genius has only been enhanced by thoroughly examining and debunking the show’s wibbly-wobbly so-called scientific justifications.”

“Thor, Stark’s angry because the producers wouldn’t hire him as a science consultant no matter how much he begged.” Tony suddenly realized that Natasha was sitting on the couch. “Barton told me that he pitched Fury a version of the 'show-me' cards as a method to improve SHIELD security.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was a long week. It's already Decoration Day 2013.
> 
> Fortunately, I do know now where this fic is going. It will be completed. And Thor and Loki 2 will meet up in the next chapter. Promise.


End file.
